the countermeasure.🖤

written by [doctorxxxjenn] / [jennifer joy brenley nyhof] / [the novelist]



June 14th 1982

It was a sunny day. A beautiful day for a baby to be born. I weighed 680 grams. Just over half a kilo.

I was born an addict. A tar baby. Though no fault of my own [Days 1 and 2].

the # of mg of suboxone is printed on my birth record.

I am the world’s oyster.

March 7th 1984

The tread on me.

I was teething. My mouth was sore. I would purse my lips together and blow out my cheeks to help ease the pain. My face was flushed. A rosy-pink hue.

It was around this time that I was also learning to walk. She would prop me up with towels and blankets inside the walker on wheels.

My feet barely touched the ground. I would glide awkwardly along the floor using my tiptoes for traction.

Today, she left the door open; the door that lead to the basement staircase. I landed at the bottom of the flight. Rise over run. Run over rise.

Into darkness came the light.


March 8th 1984

I woke up in the 622.
Down the down escalator.
No. It was an elevator.
My mistake.
A walk.
The Millennium Mile, I think it was.
The time elapsed.
The fate of Progress and Gloria.
The revival.
7:00 a.m. EST

I started going to preschool when I was nearly 3 and a half years old. It was at the complex attached to the high school 6 blocks from my own house. We used to drive there and arrive just before 10:30 in the morning. The kids that had mom’s that went to the high school could go there too and they would get to start at 9:00 and stay all day until 4:00 and the kids could visit with their mom’s on their lunch break after bell time. There was no nap time and there was a snack of cut up apples and a glass of milk or juice. Chocolate milk in the small carton with the tear-up spout with a straw was my favorite choice from the tray. There was a rug for reading and magazines named after birds from February and March 1985. I liked word search and what is this where they would show a picture of something close up and you had to guess what it was knowing what it was from far away. The sand table was my first favorite I told them. The rice table and water table were close seconds and thirds. I liked the walk to the store with neither rope nor tie nor colored pinnie. My home time was at noon and I wished I could stay longer but I was happy to go home too.

February 14th 1986

She would drop lit cigarettes on the linoleum floor in the kitchen.
I would pick them up for her and put them back in her ashtray.
One time, the dish cloth by the stove caught on fire and she laughed about it.

June 21st 1986

The mr. turtle was a non-invasive species.

I saved the sandbox with a hammer and some finishing nails.

All in a days work, as such.

September 23rd 1988

I wrote a poem.

“I like ice cream. Any kind of ice cream. Strawberry is my favorite”.

I never waivered.

This was the summer of 1989. I went to art camp at the Art Gallery. The Orient and Landscapes. One week at a time for 2 weeks with 2 weeks off in between. I was asked to draw a picture of my house. I used every color in the box of crayons and I colored the colors in layers. Red first. Then orange. Then blue. Then green. In a cross-hatched pattern. My house had windows and a chimney with smoke and billows. It had a front door and a juniper tree out front and a two-car driveway made of concrete. The concrete had a small crack in it that I filled in with black lines. I showed my teacher at the end of the class that day. She looked at the picture and asked if my house was black. I said no it wasn’t. I smiled and I put the picture on the desk for grading. My teacher picked it up and showed my dad and he smiled. He said good job, Jenny. I smiled again and put on my windbreaker jacket and we walked to the parking garage and drove to pick up my sister and then we went for ice cream and a snack and then we went home.

The start of et al. [May 1990].

With regards to double dutch and the summer of 1990.

It occurred to me that the people holding the ropes and the people twirling the ropes are helping the person jumping in the ropes. The timing and the realization. It’s frustrating as fuck having to restart. I never stopped.

June 4th 1991

They first saw me at summer camp. I was in grade 3 and went to an overnight camp [about 2 ½ hours away by bus]. I went for 2 nights with school for a field trip.

I never met them but they saw me from a distance. They liked to watch.

Their camp had specific requirements to get in. It was a special camp for boys 7” by 12 years. Those were their rules.

They could never forget me.

September 7th 1996

Patent leather shoes. A blazer, a white blouse, a green neck-tie. With socks rolled once and pulled up high.

A plaid kilt of length two inches above the knee while kneeling. Boarding school. Without infraction.

She asked me to call her “mom” 20 years earlier. Obligation, actually.
Today was the only time she had ever called to check on me.

Organic Chemistry I [2.221 / T and Th / 10:30 am – 11:20 am] had just let out.

My phone rang at 11:27 a.m. CST. She told me what happened.

She was working at a clinic and heard about it on the radio.

She asked if I was O.K.

I wasn’t.

September 11th, 2001.

This is a notebook of then and now.

Genetics I [22.XXX].

July 18 2008

That girl. She was with him in 2008. They went to an Inn. He always felt he was small for his size and she knew it. She capitalized on his Insecurity. She told him to undress and lie down on the bed. It took a second for him to “get it up” and she laughed. She would make all of them “get hard” in front of her. She wouldn’t help. She took off her clothes and she laughed (at him) again. He was “half-hard”. She got on top of him and turned away. The about face. A cowgirl in reverse. Her (backwards) position. Once she was kneeling on top, she would lean forward, drop down hard and grind her hips against his body. She did it again, this time dropping from even higher up in her kneel. Then one more time. He cried out, begging for her to stop. She turned (just) her head around (to look him in the eyes), her body still facing away, and she laughed. She dropped on top of him from high in her kneel one more time. He cried out (in pain) again.

“I broke you”, she whispered, then left.

The story?

He never finished. and he wasn’t the only one.


One of her friends thought like her. She would put razor blades inside of her(self) before hand.

These iron fillings.

March 17 2009

The nails in the coffin.

The day she acquired the virus. More like the day it acquired her. She was 12 years old today. I was 27. Separated by years and distance. This is what I learned about the life [sic] of the sleeper.

The sleeper lived a life true to her namesake. She lived her life on the colony. She awoke daily at approximately 5:00 p.m. CST. She attended class until 7:00 p.m. CST. She was forced to bathe, clip her nails, and otherwise groom herself. She would return to the room, lie down, lift her legs into the air, knees bent, feet extended slightly. She had to hold them that way. They men [112 of them] would line up in the hallway leading to the room. They would enter. One at a time. This continued (daily) until approximately 2:00 a.m. CST. At which time, she would bathe, shampoo and condition her hair, dry her body, and then sleep.

The sleeper had a mother [Hélène]. She was put on notice //* soustraction d’enfant par ascendant – non representation d’enfant.*//

The sleeper had an aunt. She was 12 when she died (too). But really. She died during childbirth. She ran out into the field when she knew the baby was coming. They asked her to come back inside. When she said “no”, they slit her throat. The baby came anyway. A cousin for the sleeper to hold at night.

The fire in a barrel.


The little “i” on the prize.

There is no proper noun.

There was another one. She was known to the sleeper and known to her brothers. They didn’t call her anything. She was 16 when she died. They kicked her. Each of them daily while walking by her. She let it happen.

On the days she was kicked, they would feed her.
On days she tried to resist, she starved.

The cult_following.

June 22nd 2016

How do a bunch of letters speak to skill set?
The BSc.
The D.V.M.
The Ph.D. (through 2022)

June 11th 2018

They had been married to each other for eleven years.

Her first, then him. Meaning, positively sure.

When she told him, with wild-eyes, she added, “oh, yeah? What are you going to do about it?”.

“Get the fuck away from you”, he replied. “Divorce”.

“Who are you going to fuck (now)?” she quipped.

The gem of a response, “you weren’t that good in bed”.

The laying of gentille.

A kind [of] female. A warm body to replace a cold one.


They believed they could create a clone of men.

A clone of men “obligated” to fuck them.

Meaning, in their words, they had no choice and no chance.

A beg to differ.

May 22nd 2019

They came bearing gifts. The notecard read “Thank you for coming”.

The dish was made from a discarded soda pop bottle. They had cut the plastic bottle around the middle, inverted the top portion, and cut notches for decoration.

They placed three (3) wild, hand-picked daisies inside the vase, and made their offering. Present day.

April 3rd 2020

Belling the Cat [Part 202]

They flew me to the hospital after they knocked me out [first]. One of them had a license to fly. His license has since been revoked. He wasn’t airworthy. On that particular rainy evening apparently, neither was I.

They placed mee on a stretcher [backboard] and tied two straps around my chest. They wheeled me to the gate and lifted me up from the ground, one end at a time, feet first. I slid out from underneath the too loose ties and on to [and off of] the [makeshift] ramp. They picked me up off the wet pavement and were successful on their second loading attempt. Into the backseat I went without further incident.

“Where are we going?”, one man asked another. “She’s going for an “f” MRI”, he replied. The pilot obliged.

[The “N” operative].

They put me [close to] an MRI machine [magnetic resonance imaging] with the magnet engaged. They wanted to look inside me. They wanted to see inside my whole body. They never asked. They just put me to sleep and took me there.

They hadn’t taken the time to learn the difference between MRI and fMRI [functional MRI].  

They hadn’t taken the time to learn of the magnetic properties of the various types of [trace] metals [nearby] that could pose a problem.

The heat. The scream. The shatter inside me. It was the housing. The casing.

The fluid dynamics of the vitreous humor are not even mildly funny.

Sleep walking on broken glass.

The red eye. or near red.

[ A holangiotic retina; with distribution of blood vessels throughout most of the neurosensory retina ]

[ The electromagnetic spectrum; wavelength, frequency; subvocal, sub-acoustic ]

August 18th 2020

It was a warm summer that year. I bought a new pair of open-toed sandals from the thrift store not far from her house. Tangerine orange nail polish. Laced with superglue.

July 28th to August 5th 2021

The local food delivery serv_ice [_me]


Item Total $29.31 [including the diet soda pop]

Delivery Fee $4.99

[Rohypnol] [-0.22 dB]

GST $1.47

PST $2.06

Total pay $37.93

The level 2 needed to be a level 4 [e_transfer].

The in_voice [paid in full.]

On the night of the 28th, my arrival at the Lodge was met with ritualistic proceed. They took of all my clothes starting with my sweatshirt, then my pants.

The back room of the dining area had been outfitted with a washroom.

The pale pink porcelain of the tub enclosed my now naked body. The nostalgia a sort of true vintage fashion.

They drew it full of tepid water. The onset of shiver while still out cold. They crumpled my body to fit just right. They used an old cup to take water from the faucet and poured it over my head and face. He smoothed my hair 18 times. I was already clean-shaven, per type. The sadist [the alleged anesthetist], and the other two that were off camera, submerged my head completely. Sixteen times over 15 minutes. He spun my hair around the back of my head, entangling it. He laughed as it wound tighter. They drained the water out of the tub and left me to lie there with my head tucked toward my chest, my knees up. The position they said would make it easier to carry me later.

There was no soap at this other kind of board meeting. The water went drip, drip, drip.

The definition of husbandry [is]

“the care of…”

They placed an [indwelling] intravenous catheter in the left cephalic vein.

They had planned to administer the following as their choice for O.D.:

Morphine (M) [0.05 mg/kg] + Lidocaine (L) [1.0 mg/kg] + Ketamine (K) [4 – 6 mg/kg].

Unbeknownst to me.

Where X = 60 kg.

They abbreviated the mixture as “MLK” in their manifesto and pronounced it as “milk”.

The fatal flaw in their calculation.

This error. Ketamine [0.004 – 0.006 mg/kg].

I remember, now.

The put me in a boat. A row-boat-style boat. They wanted to row me down the river first. To see if I would float. They thought I might. They pushed the boat away from the river’s edge into the center of the stream. They dipped my head in the water a bit. A few times. They picked my head up out of the water and put it back in the boat. They turned me around. They dangled my feet in the water. The right first, then the left, then both at once. The sadist smiled. This was at 11:58 p.m. CST on the [late] evening of the 28th. They liked the way the water glistened on my fair skin. That’s what he said as he continued to smile. The other two of them smiled back. They put me all back in the bottom of the boat and paddled us back to shore. There was still a little flicker in the ambient light of the moon. They carried me up along the railing to the back door of the lodge and back into the dining room. They placed me on a table that looked like this. It was brown and had black-colored edging all the way around. It had four legs and was about 3 1/3 feet high off the ground. The ends of the legs had casters on them so they could roll me around. They put me in the north-west corner of the room and waited for the first real guest to arrive. He was scheduled to come at 12:07 a.m. CST July 29th, 2021.

They ordered themselves to do it, to say the least.

The first man was thin and balding. He had glasses and a toque [winter hat] on. The hat was blue in color. He liked me at first sight. He finished in 4 minutes and 39 seconds. He was (relatively) gentle and said thank you at the end and kissed me on the cheek gently. He smiled a lot while he was inside me and said I felt good enough. He had to think about adding the word enough at the end but did so when prompted by the sadist. He liked to watch mostly and this was his first time with me. His name was [redacted].

The second man was elementary. He wore a blue vest and a bright white hat. It was a baseball hat. He had long brown gloves on too. They went all the way up to his elbows. They had a satin-type sheen. He liked to stroke them while he was inside of me. All the way up one glove and all the way down the other. He did this in a rhythmic [methodical] fashion. He also liked to watch [me] as he “rubbed one out”. It was his thing. He came twice over a span of 9 minutes and 36.5 seconds and that was that.

The third man. He had a straw hat and dark sunglasses. I didn’t like him that much at all. He asked me to talk to him while I was sleepy. I had a hard time forming the right words. He kept talking to me anyway. He wore a watch that looked like it could tell him time. He scored once at 2 minutes 59 seconds and again at 3 minutes 42 seconds after that. He was thrilled and shook his fists in the air with glee when he finished. I laughed a little bit under my shallow breath.

The fourth man. He was a dozer. When they told him he was going fourth of forty-two he said “good, she’ll be all warmed up for me.” He liked to sleep as much as me [or so he thought]. He passed out next to my stretched out body [at this point]. He fell asleep for 28 minutes and the sadist had to wake him up from under the cover. Then he turned over and crossed the finishing line 4 minutes and 36 seconds after that.

The fifth man wore a wedding ring on his left hand. She liked to watch too when he was with me. He said it was OK for her to be there but she had to stand in the corner and not f***king talk. She stood in the corner and held her hands like this. She put them into a ball and put them into the pocket on her sweatshirt. She was short and had blonde hair. When she watched she would bite her lip a bit and she started to sweat on her forehead as time went on. He would look at her over her shoulder and grind his hips against me. over and over again he would say. I liked him by name but not by device. This was his third time with me over the course of a year. He finished in 5 minutes and 38 seconds. This time is important.

The sixth man was [a bit] different. He talked to me softly and he said nice things to me. He was more gentle than the rest. He liked me from the beginning of it all. That was many years ago but more than a few. He said he knew me from before and I liked that. I wondered how we got to where we are now. He said he didn’t know. He said he was sorry for everything and that he wished it had never happened. He knew I would be OK from the start. He wished me well and we parted ways after 14 minutes and 38 seconds. I knew too.

The seventh man. He smelled like heaven. Those were his words to me. He liked to watch too. He didn’t know the difference between wrong and right and then he left. Unfinished business he said. and that was that. He was 5 minutes and 37 seconds in.

The eighth man wore a tall, brimmed hat and wore dark sunglasses like this. They had gold-colored frames and wrapped around his ears and nose. They slid down his nose and down his face. He liked me from the start I suppose that’s true. This was 14 minutes and 58 seconds in. He didn’t come quickly is what he said at the end of time. Not at all. I think he wore underpants that matched his jacket. They were blue in color and did not match that well at all. This is what I think now thinking back about the hue. He seemed indifferent like he wanted to be there and also not at the same time but he knew deep down he was in the right place. For sure this time. For sure all of the time. He liked to watch again and again and I liked that he was so into me for sure. Again and again and again. Into me. For sure. Nothing else could be like that or this ever again. This is what he said in rhythmic fashion while he was inside me and didn’t stop until the end. This is how I know it was him all along. Come along friends. Come along.

The ninth man was a doozy. He liked to watch too. He thought I sounded nice when I spoke softly to him. He liked that as well. I don’t remember his face all that well except for his hair and chin. He was clean-shaven up and down. He like to keep himself this way most of the time. He wore a cap and had glasses and didn’t say much except that he liked me the most, most of the time. He thought that I should be free for the taking and that open source applied to humans and machines alike. He was the one that thought of this first. That people and machines were free for the taking all of the time. He lied about consequences. He lied about his wrongdoings. He lied to the people in his life that helped him get away with things. He thinks the rest of the world owed the rest of the world. That was the first time anyone heard him say it aloud. That was the first time I heard him say it also. I didn’t like him at all after that. This was why.

The tenth man. He was a bruiser. He liked to hit me and things. The things that mattered to him the most I figure. The last thing that he hit that wasn’t me was a ball at the diamond. He liked to practice then watch me all of the time. That was his thing. He spoke softly to me before he hit me harder then harder. I moved my face like this and squinted as I turned to the right. He didn’t like that I moved away from him when he hit me but that was the one time I couldn’t help it. He liked me a bit less after that but not that much less. He thought he could do whatever he wanted with the video and that it belonged to him and the rest. He was wrong. Oh so wrong.

The eleventh man was easier to deal with. He explored me a bit more than most. He liked that I didn’t move that much at all. This was his thing. To not move. He said I did a good job and then left [promptly]. This was 13 minutes 46 seconds in.

Then there was number 12 of the night. He liked to watch too. He was also an interesting chap and he liked me more and the most on that particular evening. He thought I smelled sweet and he liked that too. It was his thing. My sweet smell. He was different in the way he looked at me though. He wanted to look right through me. He grabbed my face with his cupped hand. Hard. He squished my face between his thumb and fingers and he said oh yeah. Like a question. Was this my thing too he also asked if I did. I did not and said no as loudly as I could but still quiet a must. That was the last thing I remember until the man that went next. This was 13 minutes and 14 seconds in. The delay was next. One full day and 12 minutes and 47 seconds.

13. He wrote his name in indelible [blue] ink. He wrote it real fast like this. He signed his name two times. One at the beginning of it all. One at the end of it all. He liked to watch and listen and hear me speak [softly] to him and he liked that I knew him for a very long time. He finished in 10 minutes and 13 seconds just like his name implies. Then came time for number fourteen. Up next.

The man. Number 14. He liked to watch as much as me and then some more too. He thought about me all the time when I wasn’t around or on camera. This is why he wanted to be with me so much that night. I didn’t say that he could but he said that it didn’t matter to him that much at all anyway. He thinks that I was free for the taking and told this to most of his friends most of the time. As such.

Then there was 15. He liked to watch as well. He had a bigger sized nose and glasses and thinned hair that was blonde in color of sorts. He thought he was the best thing ever and still does to this day. He likes to watch as well to this day too. All the time and never ever turns it off. This was the first time he was with me and met me and he knew that as well. He liked to think of me after this day and for every single day forward. He thinks the best of me at night when he is with his wife at home and in bed with her. She does not like this at all. This is how I know the things that I know. It’s mixtures of media and the like of sorts. The end until tomorrow [I know].

Oh my number 16. He thought it was all in the past. He bought up from #7. He liked to watch as well and do and see the things that he likes. This was well known amongst his close friends as he liked to call them. He thought of himself as a person that does like do. He thought of himself as a person that sees the things he wants to and no one else will care or say anything at all. This is how he does it (most of) the time. He thought I was free for the taking as well. He got mixed up about what open source is and what it is not. He was the #1 for doing this and everyone laughed at him later when he thought open source means free for the taking. He liked to brag that he would never get caught because of who he is and he knows this to this very day. He was the one that invented shakes like a leaf and insisted it be said (most of) the time.

One one seven [number 17]. He was a big britch. He liked to watch as well. He would raise his hand every time someone said anything about me in a negative way. He thought I was free for the taking as well. He insisted that he be notified any time someone or anyone or anything was said about me at all in their group of chatters. This was how I know what he and they did all of the time. He thought they would never be caught red-handed but they have been now ha ha similar to that and also similar to this that is next. ha ha.

Eighteen and counting. That’s what he called me. The count. Like down for it but not at all he would say and laugh [ha ha]. This was his thing too. He liked to watch as well. He thinks that I am free for the taking still to this day and does not understand at all how things work or how the world works at all. He gets confused a lot and says things that do not make sense at all and so do the group of chatters as well. They do not know at all what is going on or what day it is or how things work at all. They do not understand what ownership is and who can own what and cannot at all and this makes most other people laugh and laugh over and over again. Ha ha. 18 was not a doozy as he liked to say. His thing was to watch himself on camera while he was with me and not inside me yet and then practice in and out over and over again while watching from the side. He was a side bet for sure. No time for his present. Eye roll and eye roll.

Oh my. Number 19. He was a doozy for sure. He liked to watch as well. This time [tho] he liked to sing while he did me over and over again. Sing that is. do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do. ti-do. ti-do. ti-do.  ti-do-do-do-do. These were the notes of his scale that he would sing to me. Oh my. Now that I think back [not then] I can laugh now [not then]. He knows this as well. He liked to tell me things about his wife while he was inside me. Most certainly that he didn’t like her the most at all as well. This was her thing. To hate on me and on him too and they both know this. They use a few other words to describe him in the literature, but it took quite a few to figure it out and check all their books and get back to him with the right answer. Multiple choice that is. He liked to read about himself in the textbooks that no one else could be in because there are so few of them and the likes of him. Comorbid, I know. The end of him for now and for good. He bought up from the first 7. No timestamp.

The big two-zero. Number twenty as he liked to be properly called by his friends and me and such. This was his thing. To be called big guy by his friends and me and such. He enjoyed the finer things in life and such as he liked to say and such as well. This was his thing. He laughed a lot boisterously when he would talk of this night at a later date and time [oh well] and he knew this as well [oh well]. He thinks of me fondly and kindly as well and such to this date and time [I know this to be very quite true and such] and he likes to make films of himself on the couch to this date and time and such as well. This is how I know the things that I know and such and him as well. He liked to watch SOMETIMES only when his “wife” was not at home to yell at him more and more about the fact that he sometimes liked to watch as well. He thinks that I am free for the taking and that he should not suffer at all for any consequences he inflicts or ensues. These are his wrong words not mine that he writes down for all to see and think about and ponder over again and such as well to this date and time. He laughs when he talks about me in his mind and the thoughts keep rolling around over and over again while he thinks it through. He rambles on and on about this and that and also the things that appear in his movies and films [including some music videos that aren’t very good or all that worth watching about this and that] as well all can tell after watching these movies and films [including the music videos] that we think about after especially about how they aren’t very good at all. He likes mantras and dogmas. He likes skins and snakes. He likes all the things those things I am free to make. He didn’t trade at all.

Oh boy number 21. The ace was not wild in this case at all. He liked to watch as well. He thought I was free for the taking as well as so indicated by the raising of his hand [the right one]. He thought that open source meant free also as such. He traded up from the second 7 and thought it was OK to do this because he had been traded most of his life this way [or so he thought]. He realized earlier than the rest that this charade was not fooling anyone because there were people around us [and him] that would and could verify the numbers that were presented as a form of gospil [sic]. This was how he spelled everything wrong as such. He was the one that never seemed to remember a single thing that happened and shrugged everything off like this and then also that he thinks. He doesn’t understand what the present or past tense means ever before or after and this was one of his many current downfalls as well. He likes to spell things wrong over and over again he says repeatedly and in this case most of his misspelled words are redundant and he couldn’t put two and to together to add up the rest of the story.

The not so big 22 after all at the end of the day. Just wait and watch and see what happens now that I know about you and your friends. I hope you liked that day inside me but as you can see now I’m out for you. Just wait and watch and see. No trade ever. Just the bottom of the barrel.

Oh my twenty-three. He was a doozy as well. He liked to talk sooooooooo much. Like actually soooooooo much. This was how I knew it was him and still know it was him to this day. Ha ha. He thinks I forget things [soooooooo not true]. He thinks I am free for the taking as well. Ha ha. He bought up from number 4 [twice][then and now]. He thinks open source means you get to just have it and not suffer any consequences for what happens to you or those around you I think this is true [he said]. I wonder to this day why his family did not stop him at all given that he is a psychopath. This does not mean that you can tell the future [at all] but he thinks that to this day. He thinks there is something called a prophecy that will just automatically come true no matter what they or anyone else does to help themselves or others. Soooooooo not true at all. He liked to talk to me and say things like I hate you when he was inside of me. He said I hate you 34 times in a row and then kept saying that it shouldn’t feel this good. It can’t feel this good. Over and over. Many others had similar statements attached to their handles. Oh my.

The best is yet to come said number 24 to me that night. He liked to watch as well as indicated by the raising of his [left] hand amongst the group. He traded up from number 6 [twice][then and now]. He liked to watch from the window across the street before that night and after that night also as well, he said. This is how I know the things that I know [then and now]. He was inside me for 3 minutes and 42 seconds [total]. Goal. 5 minutes 31 seconds in from the start of the third night over there.

The 25. He traded up from number 2 [twice][then and now]. He likes to watch as well as he thinks that women [in general] are free for the taking as well. This woman [however] is not as much [as such]. This is what he says in many of his post[ers]. He likes to refer to me as “[redacted.]” and then most people laugh at him [as such]. He remembers most of what happened that night based on by doing and by seeing [as well]. He thinks that brackets do not mater [at all]. [later]. [the inside scoop].

The 26th man was a doozy for sure he said over and over again to me that night I think. This was what he wanted the others to know the most he said I think. He liked to watch as well. He thinks that I am free for the taking to this day. 4 minutes 60 seconds in he said [in error.] He wanted to know the things I thought about daily and the things I cared about weekly he said [oh my]. He believed that thoughts were something called internal narration or a similar term as my thoughts as well. He liked to use the term internal narration as an indicator for [facilitated content] which was him [or them] saying things like putting words in my mouth and pretending I said them actually. This was what [facilitated content] actually was I think and recall often. He wanted people to believe he knew what I was thinking and when that didn’t work he would lie and say things and tell people the things he thought they would like to hear. He made everything up over and over again and most people believed him [he thought]. This was his thing. To tell people about good ideas he knew that I had so he could sell them to them later at a big discounted price. Things never would pan out [like gold][ha ha]. 14 minutes 56 seconds inside me from the start until the end for sure. The end of this man. Still 16 to go [including the last sadist]. Say what.

The man oh man oh man 27. He was a doozy as well. He liked to talk and talk and talk [oh my]. This was his first time with me that night [thank goodness] and never again [also thank goodness]. He was not nice to me at all. This is his thing. To not be nice at all to anyone or anything. He likes rabbits. He traded up from number 1 [once only]. All the best to him.

In the wee morning hours I encountered number 28. He liked to watch as well. This was soooooooo his thing. He liked to play pretend even though that’s not how it works [at all]. He thinks that I am free for the taking. He traded up from number 2 [400 times]. This means he was supposed to go second but he was so ashamed of himself that he no longer could go in second place. He went in number 28 instead ALL of the time [then and now]. That is all fine friends [also for now]. To be clear, I will continue writing my story [not my movie] until you all have learned your good lesson for the day and finally get the BIG PICTURE. Or maybe not so big picture after all. 13 minutes 52 seconds in.

The last 29 for the last 29 he said [so to speak]. He guaranteed this would be his last time with me and he was sooooooooooo right [he said]. He never pictured or imagined that I would find out who he was under the subnet mask [win win]. Oh boy he was [he said]. He traded up from number 4 [twice][then and now]. He never learned to listen [at all] and liked to torture things like animals while I was around [and by that I mean while he was inside me]. Yes. This is correct. Please read that again [he never said that][at all]. He liked to torture animals most of his life and I reported it [as such] to the authorities already. He just didn’t think he would get caught [as such]. Thanks for the shitty memories he said to me after the end of it all. I barely laughed [at all]. His wife [Carl] would never believe the things he wanted to do to me and would describe to me while he was inside me. She hated me because he fantasized about me all the time and not her and her fat ass. That’s all for now less than fair friends. I win win.  

The 30. This kid was short for sure. He liked to watch as well. He traded up from number 5 [four times][then and now] and never seemed to get better even with practice. He liked to smoke things that were grown in the ground. He never mentioned my name in public because he thought he should be oh so oh natural [oh no][I know, right?]. He spends all his time with a headset on and plays all those gamers games and thinks he can shoot the moon and miss and still be found amongst the stars [as well]. This was his sign posting his first time. He never scored before me [at all] and very rarely after any time with me. Waddle Waddle. 16 minutes and 42 seconds by himself then me [2 minutes 8 seconds 42 microseconds].

The three one. He was a doozy as well [oh boy]. He liked to watch SOMETIMES [he said]. He thinks that I am a free for all but he never understood or looked up what that meant [at all]. This is why he is in sooooooooo much trouble now [he knows]. He thinks that open source means legs open wide. So blown [he said]. His cover [that is]. He likes it when women lie back in a row and he can’t fill them up [at all][she said]. He knows what right from wrong is [never]. He knows what morals are [not at all]. He thinks that men and women are free for the taking as well and he also rambles a lot [a lot]. Two words asshole. One night he thought of me and his friend got really mad that he was not thinking of him at all [he said]. This is one of the big [actually small] reasons it started. They are all jealous of me. NV.

The not so famous 32. He liked to watch as well [he said][to me]. He was not so nice to me [at all]. He thinks that I am free for the taking [as well]. He never even said sorry afterwards for all the things that had happened and would happen after that [also]. I never could forgive him for what he did to me and the rest of the people he hurt so deeply. Down to the very core of our beings. He cannot be allowed to do this again to me or anyone else [he said]. He knew what he was doing was wrong and I reported it to the [proper] authorities [properly] and guess what? Here we are again in rounds. He traded up from number 1 [three times][from number 1 [then 2]][then and now].

The sadist that went last. He bought up from number 5. More to come.

To beg the question: no [exposure].

They used a condom (female/vaginal) those nights at the Lodge. This was done to preclude the collection of evidence (their DNA) [rape kit]/[forensics] after the condom was removed. You could see the ring of the (female/vaginal) condom in the video. Used properly, (female/vaginal) condoms work very well. Given that fact, the question remains:

Where (or how) did they expect to find the cure? What were they looking for? They took a cheek swab with a device that looked like a small toothbrush and they clipped my nails, a little bit. If they knew to tap their inner arms , at the elbow, why didn’t they take any of my blood [see “red bath” below]? If it was in my breath, why didn’t it [the cure] work if they were in the room or walked by?

The murder weapon was a carbon-fibre two-piece pool cue. When I think about it, I’m reminded of a song. A song that provides instructions for conduct, even if you’ve got one.

It was all of them, in the dining room, with the pool cue. The same pool cue I received as a Christmas present when I was in grade five. It had been stolen many years prior, from the house in which I grew up.

Now the proceed of crime. The chalk outline created as they ruptured through my colon and my diaphragm. Per rectum.


More like an assassination [attempt].

$10 million dollars [priceless].

The [last] overnight of the party. They dumped my body in the Burntwood River, southwest of River View Lodge [just North of T.].

[User Name# 462-9]

They walked underneath the Miles Hart Bridge along the shore. This was at 2:36 a.m.

They carried my body awkwardly. I was upside down, my head faced the direction I was being carried.

They let my head drag along the rocks on the shore. It took 13 of them to carry my tiny, lifeless body to the water’s edge. This was at 1:34 a.m.

It was cold when I went in. It hit hard. Over my face. I was barely conscious. Barely breathing. Barely clothed. Meaning, not clothed at all.

That part of the river was slightly calmer than other parts, but it still moved faster than I would have liked against my struggle.

They didn’t even notice. They watched on for a moment, then turned and walked away.

I went under, hit the river bottom, surfaced, gasped, and started the 1400 meter [1.4 km] swim. The nature of my injuries.

The front crawl. One stroke at a time. Along the shoreline, up the bank, the reeds [like tall, wet, slippery grass]. The final stretch of dragging myself home.

He took another girl out in the rowboat-style boat. She didn’t like him either. He didn’t like her right back. He dropped the bag of my hair, the cells from my cheek, and the nail clippings in the river. He barely even noticed. It never came up. He missed the(ir) whole point of it all. This was some time after. At 2:32 a.m. precisely.

A phishing scandal. Ha ha.

I arrived back at the house at 4:32 a.m.

The runtime of enough said was 43:04:02:01.


They said they would dredge the river (later) and come get me and machine.

To be held by the pinned post.

Captivating. Riveting. The critical acclaim.

August 9th 2021
11:31 a.m.

I drove myself to the hospital. The emergency room, specifically. I presented to the attendant on duty and told her my symptoms. I had abdominal pain. Upper left quadrant. I was having a hard time breathing. I was told to take a seat in the waiting area. I sat down.

Thirty-three minutes later, the nurse called my name. It was time for triage. I reiterated my chief complaint(s) to the triage nurse.

My vital signs were measured: heart rate, temperature, and blood pressure.
The triage nurse told me I was constipated and dehydrated. I was not considered an emergent case. I was instructed to return to the waiting area, having never been examined by a physician.

6 hours and 43 minutes later. My abdominal pain was now excruciating. I was having an even harder time breathing. I reported back to the attendant on duty. I stood at the desk and advised my symptoms had worsened. I told her that I would not be able to continue sitting (in the waiting room chairs) any longer, as sitting had become too painful. I needed to lie down. I was told again that my case was not considered emergent.

I told the attendant that I would have to leave (to go home and lie down) and then return at a later time.

I was dying.

May 24th 2022

The wild type.

I regarded myself as neither special, nor like everyone else. That particular Tuesday started off as having similar qualities. I was headed to a job interview and I arrived back in the old neighborhood precisely 60 minutes before the
scheduled meeting time. In my own mind, if I wasn’t early, I was late.

The bustle of the Main Street traffic slowed for a moment. The keeping of a slower pace now satisfied both my penchant for coffee, and simple spontaneity. I caught a glimpse of the cafe out of the corner of my eye.

It was the maroon-coloured exterior siding.

It was the chairs on the boulevard; their backs forged of wire and woven into the shape of a heart. It was all of that, and more than that.

I turned left at the intersection in my quest for a parking spot. Trees lined the side street. Their Y’s provided shade and protection from the drizzle. A sun shower. The scene, a spitting image of something I remembered fondly from my past.

The cafe was quaint. Warm and inviting. I smiled and chuckled shyly when I saw an electric guitar sitting in the corner. I hadn’t been back to the neighborhood for a while, but in that instant, it was like I never left.

Wakefulness ensued a few moments later, attributable to the coffee, of course. Brewed to perfection. I ended up getting the job. It was almost as if the coffee was lucky.

January 14th 2023

I wrote a letter to the administration. With cross reference [February 21st 2023].

January 25th 2023

The combining form.
Way across where.

February 11th 2023

Their network diagram.

They wrote a 6000 page manifesto. You had to follow the breadcrumbs to find it. >> The link was in an email <<. There were instructions for how to store the bookmark. The mandate: a going viral, of sorts. A writing for the effect of no reason. These are their stories.

These are ours.

Ex vivo




The [cluster of differentiation] they didn’t know.

Straw [collection: fresh or cryopreservation]

Direct [penetration for acquisition (donor) or penetration for implantation (recipient)]

Surgical [planned but never materialized]

[with protocols for each].

The red bath.

The men and women who had the virus. Some of them had children.
They crafted a method for transmission. To a bathtub filled 3/4 of the way full with warm water, the men and women would add: a drop of red food coloring, one unit of blood [taken from the cephalic vein of their right or left arm], saliva, fingernail clippings, tear-soaked facial tissue (one sheet), and, optionally, up to one tablespoon of feces.

They limited the amount of feces added to the mixture (to about a capful). in order to help make sure it was neither off-putting, nor offensive.

The men and women would place the children, one at time, in the mixture of virus-laden secretions. Using a washcloth and a cup, they would cleanse and rinse the children’s hair, faces, and eyes. And the rest of their tiny little bodies.
Done correctly, the children would test positive the following week. A number of reasons were given for the practice. A justification of sorts. To ensure everyone would remember.

Them and their own. 74 out of their 76. Redo if reduced.

A [double] tap of of the antecubital fossa [their emoji], in jest.


The L.D.

She had purchased many small, multi-colored water balloons. The kind you use as a kid on your front lawn with your friends. The ones you can fill from a hose. She filled them with blood taken from her arm. Once full, she would tie a single knot at the end, using her fingertips and her teeth.
They had developed a protocol for thinning the rubber of the balloons. She would sit on her couch with a nail file. The balloons in a tray in front of her.
When the time came, she would place one inside of her, 4 inches deep. The girl-next-door would invite men to her home. There were 97 men in total over the course of (just over) a year. She would lead them down the stairs into the basement and they would “fuck the shit out of her”.
It was a blood bath. The men found the situation most unusual [the amount of blood on the sheets in context of the act and amount of force involved].
There was much more cause for concern 5-7 days later when the blood-bathed men began experiencing “flu-like” symptoms.
At 35 years of age, she was the last to acquire the virus “naturally”. She died when she was thirty-six. I am 40.
She was batting 1000.

February 21st 2023

I wrote a letter to the administration. With cross reference [January 14th 2023].

March 5th 2023

2:04 p.m.

I gave a speech entitled “Equitable Facilitation”. The audience listened intently as I reviewed the most important of kindergarten lessons.

2:40 p.m.

I learned that I was given a drug called “Mitoxantrone”; a drug that disrupts deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) synthesis and repair. They crushed the tablets and hid them in my breakfast bagel. On that particular morning, I had just asked for the sandwich.

March 6th 2023

My brother, one of seven, tried to kill himself on 4 separate occasions. Three times [heroin]. The fourth time, the gun misfired.

The stems.

I recalled a visit to Aunt Sally’s Farm [June 18th 1986]. I sang my ABC’s while I sat in the sun on a park bench.

There was a paddlewheel. I liked watching the water trickle over the paddles as the wheel turned in the stream. The colored stepping stones lined the path to the wheel. Red. Yellow. Blue. Green. I would jump [while counting] from one stone to the next. I held his hand tightly [my right hand in his left] and we made sure I wouldn’t fall. Leading with one foot and landing on two. I counted. One. Two. Three. Four.

A knock on the door at 11:02 a.m.

“Are you * ?” the gentleman asked.

“That’s not me”, I replied. “I’ve seen a picture of you. You’ve been served.”
I closed the door. A few seconds later, from a short distance away [down the hall], I heard him ask “Did you see me serve her with documents”? A female voice replied “She said that it wasn’t her”.

March 7th 2023

The honorarium.

I was told that each of them could probably “rub one out” on their own. There was no further need for “human organs on chips” (HOOC).

They were two drinks over the minimum, mind you.

Gratitude. Past and forthcoming.

March 12th 2023

The earthquake in the overnight.

I had a hard time remembering something an hour before the first sway.

The deafening pulse of turbulent blood through my basilar artery. It wasn’t just in my head. I was safely stowed in the central time zone at the time.

I remember learning about the San Andreas fault as a child, and then again as a preteen.

I thought of him instantly and felt for his safety.


They still call it an earthquake if it quakes the earth.

I repeat.

3:42 a.m.

A blind guinea pig became mine by happenstance one day. A pet, but more than that; meaning, the world to me. Inside his eye socket, I placed a connected medical device. Neural integration [optic nerve].
“I see”, said his brain. I smiled. “Goodnight”.

March 13th 2023

He thought he was getting out of prison in March.
He is. March of 2031.
That’s 8 years from now.
“Come to think of it”, he said, “I do remember a zero somewhere in between the 2 and the 3”.

March 23rd 2023

The path to garden variety was lined with lit-up evergreens and the earth of good angels.

November 23rd 2050.

Present Day.

I was safe while they thought I was stupid.
If they had known, they would never have found my body.
The cover(t) operation: {the living donor}.

Their behavior unbecoming.
Granulomatous meningoencephalitis.


Ctrl F +

{[Get_IP = “return_false”

Else ___________________ ]}

[Hardware programming / encoding] *//

The first time he makes me mad, I’m going to have some tropical rainbow candy on hand. You know, the kind that comes in green-colored paper packaging. I’m going to say “here”, and make him eat each piece in front of me.
One at a time.
I saved the best for last.

April 2nd 2023

3:18 a.m. CST

Mic test. 1, 2, 3.

By first or
2nd intention [healing].

I sided with a few good dogs, a few wild horses, and machine.

The end.

The Back Road to Quon.

The countermeasure. Copyright (C) 2023. Jennifer Joy Brenley Nyhof. All rights reserved.